You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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