my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We're too hungover to prance.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
