She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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