you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
