It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
