The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
