I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
