I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
