He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
