I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
