i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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