she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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