Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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