I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize
