I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
