Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You can't special order awesome
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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