the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
