We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
its liver damage thursday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
