I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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