Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
