walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
