idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
