I bet he comes in French.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
