Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
