NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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