I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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