I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
