I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
