Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
