he thought i was a dude.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
