Its about making memories worth repressing
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
