it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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