he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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