Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
