I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
