Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
