why didn't you poke me back
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
