We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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