Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
