What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
