Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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