I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
50% drunk capacity currently
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
