I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
