you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize