you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
