Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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