I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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