I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
