How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
