idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need a beard to bite.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
