She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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