I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
