At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
