Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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