I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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