Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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