My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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