pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
