yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize