just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
