operation harelip BJ is a go
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
