I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
