Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
