allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
