Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
