I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize