in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
