wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
