dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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