Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
