and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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