I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
